Do you ever get the feeling that you just want to be alone for a while? Sometimes you just want to go and take a drive with no destination in mind. I’ve had that feeling ever since I could drive. Before that, I was either holed up in my room or lost in a good book. I would do this frequently. There were times were I just wanted to be by myself for a little bit and to escape from my family. Even when I was a child, I wished I could just go somewhere else and to not be around them. I felt like I was totally alone and didn’t have anyone to turn to or talk to. Growing up in a split family setting, I didn’t know where I belonged. My mom remarried and my dad was living alone until he met someone else. My step-father had his three kids, with his middle child, a daughter, the same age as me. My sister was the baby so you can imagine how alone I was. He never really paid any attention to me and when he did, it wasn’t nice. We mostly kept to ourselves, but if I were to do or say anything wrong, he would retaliate in his own way. He would either be condescending or one time, he threw me up the stairs if I wasn’t doing what he had told me to do. He never asked. It was his way or no way. I felt trapped. Did he do this with his own kids or my sister. Hell no. It was me and only me. I didn’t know it then, but maybe this was the start of my anxiety and depression. Maybe this was the reason I would just shut down and not speak about it to anyone until years later. If you are finding either your child or your self shutting down and not finding a way to cope, then there are ways to find healthy outlets out there. Talking about it and reassuring one another that it’s OK to be alone, but not lonely. It’s OK to find an outlet that works best for you, but not to dwell on your negative thoughts. It’s OK to have these feelings your feeling, but it’s best to talk it out with someone that you know and trust. Poetry and just writing in general were another outlet I would use in order to get my feelings out. Writing in my journal has always been a huge part of my life and I would feel so much better after I would get my thoughts down on paper. Children can also see their guidance counselor for help and advice on what to do. I wished I would’ve done that. I can’t imagine what children and mostly teenagers are going through now with social media around. Family counselors would be great in this aspect as well. If your children are uncomfortable talking about their feelings in front of you, then a therapist would be good too. They can help you cope in ways that family members can’t. They will still always be there for you, so don’t ever forget that, no matter how old you are. Being lonely can leave you feeling hollow, worthless and drained. Especially if you’re in the darkness for too long. Don’t let you mind wander. Keep focusing on your breathing and stay in the moment. Seek help. Talk to someone. It’s so important that you do. Here’s a coping tool called “Grounding with your Five Senses”that might help you calm down when your anxiety is spiraling out of control and to help keep you focused:
5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
Remember to write down your thoughts too. I find that writing things down is also a good way to get them out of my head. You can also watch free videos on nowmattersnow.org. There is always the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline if you wish to talk to someone who can help you get through this. Their number is: 1-800-273-8255. It provides free and confidential support for people in distress. They are here for you as well as I. Whatever you are going through, know that there is someone out there that can help. Please know and remember that you are important. You are enough. Take care, be safe, and be well. Until next time.