Have you ever been the kind of person that worries about everyone else and wants to make sure other people are taken care of first? That would be me too. I’ve always felt the need to take care of other people first. Friends and Family mostly, like my little sister for example. Ever since we were younger, I’ve always felt the need to make sure that she’s ok. It was so hard to take care of myself back then. Maybe because I didn’t really know how. It sounds silly and slightly embarrassing, but it’s true. I’ve always put other people first. Even now I make sure that my daughter is asleep before me. I first started doing that when I started having sleepovers with my friends when we were kids. I wanted to make sure that they were ok before I fell asleep. Of course, with my daughter sometimes she is up long past her bedtime! She got my husbands night owl gene, but that’s another story. Even with get togethers and parties, I would get stressed and anxious prior to the event and even during because I am that worried if things are going to be perfect or not. I just want people to have a great time. I know everyone has told me that they’ve had fun, but it’s just the way I am. Putting others before myself. They have done nothing wrong of course, but I am left exhausted about it all by the end of the day. Thankfully I stress less about it because it’s the same people that come and I am more comfortable with it since everyone gets along and they really don’t care what my house looks like. We all just like to be together and have fun. Bonus, all of our kids get along great too! Even though they see each other a few times a year and are all different ages, it’s still great to see how well they do get along! Saying this really makes me wonder if all of that stress/anxiety was really worth having? Why do I get myself so worked up over something so silly?! What I really should be doing is to try and live in the moment because before you know it, that moment is gone and all you have left to show for it is feeling of shame and guilt. “When you feel shame, you’re feeling that your whole self is wrong and when you feel guilty, you’re making a judgement that something you’ve done is wrong.” -Kristalyn Salters, PhD at verywellmind.com. I felt that I was going to do something wrong for fear of not being fully prepared, so then I felt guilty because I spent all of this time worrying, when all I should’ve done is do a better job at managing my time.
So, what do you plan on doing about it? For me it’s all about the deep breathing exercises, or diaphragmatic breathing, and writing down in your thoughts either in a journal or in a thought record. So, what are diaphragmatic breathing and thought records you ask? Diaphragmatic breathing is what you use if you suffer from generalized anxiety disorder or from panic attacks. By learning how to breathe from your diaphragm, you can help overcome the shallow chest breathing that you’re experiencing from either a panic attack or just feeling anxious. You can practice this at home for fifteen minutes a few times a day so that when you’re out in public and you are experiencing symptoms, you can do this easily to manage your symptoms. I will post a link below that shows a video on how to do this properly.
A thought record is different than just a regular journal. A regular journal helps you to get your thoughts down to help you feel better which is great, but a thought record, or cognitive monitoring form, helps you to make you feel more aware of your feelings. I will also post a printable link for you to do this exercise as well.
With both of these exercises, I hope that it will help you to feel much better about yourself. The more you practice these, the better you will be at both. Believe me. I’m still learning and practicing. Take care of you first. Remember, you are enough.
Until next time.
Stay safe and be well.
Link to diaphragmatic breathing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ua9bOsZTYg
Free printable for thought record: